In my coaching, when I ask clients what happiness looks like to them, I get this answer a lot:
“I will be happy when I ................” (fill in the blank – when I achieved this sales figure, when I get this promotion, when my kids are good, when they finished school, reached my ideal weight, found my perfect match in a partner… etc…)
When they reached that sales figure, gotten that promotion, their kids finished school, reached their ideal weight, found their ‘perfect match’, they will experience happiness briefly.
Then they stopped being happy again, because they will have to achieve the next sales figure, next level promotion, their kids need jobs, their ‘perfect match’ not so perfect anymore…and so on…
If our happiness is attached to the other end of our success equation, then we will forever be chasing happiness and don’t get to really experience much of it.
Since we spend most of our time chasing the next success, doesn’t it make more sense to be happy as we work our ways toward these successes instead?
Here are three shifts that can make you happier, starting today.
Since happiness starts from within, it starts from the way you talk to yourself that can really make a difference to your inner happiness:
Shift #1: Improve self-talk about you
Your Monkey Brain says, “You are not good enough. You are too plain, too average, too impatient, too this and too that. If I don’t keep reminding you of your lacking, you will never improve.”
But your Wise Brain says, “You are a perfectly imperfect human being, like everyone else. Let’s be aware of what you don’t have and what you already have, and see how you can improve on what you lack to become the person you want to be.”
Shift #2: Improve self-talk towards others
Your Monkey Brain says, “You are stuck in this traffic caused by bad drivers who can’t drive. What a pain in the neck to have to share a road with these people.”
But your Wise Brain says, “Like yourself and like everyone else, no one is always a perfect driver. This person might had a terrible day and made a bad decision that caused the accident. Maybe they are late to somewhere important, or maybe this person is just plain idiotic. We all have a story.”
Shift #3: Improve self-talk about your circumstances
Your Monkey Brain says, “You can’t be happy now. Look at how you just failed big time. This will screw up your entire life.”
But your Wise Brain says, “You can actively turn every event or circumstance into a gift and opportunity. This includes your mistakes and failures. It’s up to what you decide to do next.”
Notice the drastic differences between the Monkey Brain and Wise Brain approach to yourself, others, and your circumstances?
Which one would help you improve and succeed more in the long run? Which one would keep you happier along the way?
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven...”
By John Milton
It's up to you to create your mind a heaven most of the time for you.
You may not get this right 10 out of 10, however, even getting a 3 out of 10 right will give you more happiness, yes or no?
Yes to Clarity,
Anna is a Mindset and Performance Coach.
She believes that everyone has the potential to be resourceful and creative, when people become clear about what they want to create, and when they know the how, the focus, the drive, and confidence to achieve will follow. Helping her clients achieve clarity is the very first step towards their success and happiness.